Wrist-revolving, inflection-affecting, Blackburn-born X-Factor contestant, Diana Vickers, is a going completely overboard with the hand twisting, her left hand reported today.The appendage, seen contorted and rotating whenever Vickers is on screen, is believed to be close to quitting after weeks of grotesque disfiguration.
"I'm not some kind of toy," the hand said. "Use me to hold the microphone or leave me alone. Why make me gnarled like that? You're not [a] Jeremy Beadle [tribute act]."
"We used to get on fine. You'd use me to brush your hair and everything. I haven't seen a comb in months, and neither has your hair by the looks of it," it added.
Vickers' left hand has found support among fellow contestants' body parts, including Rachel's beard, Dead Wife's beer gut, and even judge Dannii's facial staples.
"She should let her hand do the world a favour and cover her mouth," boomed Eoghan's gargantuan barnet between hairspray treatments. "She's almost as annoying as the little pleb underneath me."
A hand departure could spell trouble for the 17-year-old, whose feet and voice have indicated concerns about a lack of shoes and talent respectively.
